


Lost and Found

by UnproblematicMe



Series: After the End that never came (TV based series) [5]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angels (Good Omens) - Freeform, Demons (Good Omens) - Freeform, Memory Loss, falling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-12
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-01-29 15:17:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21412318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnproblematicMe/pseuds/UnproblematicMe
Summary: An angel wakes up in Heaven and finds it changed drastically. He cannot find his closest friends and a lot of things happened he cannot remember. Not wanting anybody to know about his predicament, he starts researching in secrecy.
Series: After the End that never came (TV based series) [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1448824
Comments: 22
Kudos: 35





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Uuuuuukay, you have probably noticed that there aren't many tags because I did not really know what to tag. Pairings won't be in this story so if you want romance or smut between Aziraphale and Crowley check out my other stories, I wrote a lot about those two (I'm NOT obsessed with Good Omens, shut up!). Further the canon main characters of Good Omens are not really in here. Some of them might have a short appearance, they will be mentioned, they are important but not the main focus. That's why I did not tag any characters because it would only be confusing.
> 
> As you probably know, this is part of a series and can most likely NOT be completely understood without the other parts. I'd say "I understand" is crucial for at least one important part of this story, the knowledge of "Why you" would definitely help. Overall I can say this series is reaching a point where the stories are connected more than at the beginning and each will be harder to understand without the predecessors.

Lhinael gasped and found himself lying on his quarter’s floor. Had he been asleep? Angels did not need sleep. He had only heard about it. It was what humans did when they were tired. Angels did not grow tired.

Well, that was not completely true. Sometimes when he trained with the other warriors, his corporation would feel weary and heavy, but he could just will it away. The tiredness he felt now stuck for some reason. And he had not been training. Or had he?

He furrowed his brows. He was not sure. Of course he remembered training with his fellow angels, but it seemed so long ago! It could not have been though. Michael made sure that they trained regularly. As far as Lhinael had heard, God insisted they do that even though nobody really knew why. There were no enemies. But Michael did not like it when someone questioned it, since it meant questioning God.

A little clueless since nobody had called him for training, Lhinael started wandering around his quarters. They contained nothing more than a chair, a table and his weapon rack. He knew that some angels had asked for beds to try out sleeping, but Michael had looked so displeased when she had spoken about it, that Lhinael himself had decided not to participate in that experiment. It would not do to draw any negative attention from his direct supervisor.

After a while Lhinael shrugged and grabbed his sword. He fastened it on the belt of his robes and left his quarters. Silently he rolled his eyes when he noticed that God – yet again – had changed Heaven’s look. Well, the look of the part on the physical plane. She just could not decide, but this time the changes were pretty drastic and… What had she done to Earth?!

Lhinael stumbled to one of the huge glass windows and stared down on God’s pet project. He was sure the part he was staring at now had been verdant and green and now it was covered in stone. But not regular stone. Stone that had been transformed into all kinds of structures. Only a few plants were left. And were those humans? Yes! Thousands of them, scurrying about between the stone constructions. They were supposed to be in the Garden! Then again, so many of them would not fit there. When did this happen? He knew enough about humans [1]to be sure that they did not multiply so fast!

“Lhinael?” rang through the corridor.

Startled Lhinael turned away from the window to face the owner of the voice. It was Ro. But why did they look like that? Ro was one of the secretaries. Like most other angel classes this group always wore white wide robes, only the warriors sometimes had to wear an armor. “To get used to it” Michael had said.

“What are you wearing?” Ro asked, eyebrows raised in surprise.

“What are _you_ wearing?” Lhinael gave back.

“Do you like it?” Ro smiled. They looked down on themselves happily. “I couldn’t decide whether to choose a white or silver suit. I would have tried tartan but that’s not well received by the Archangels at the moment, for obvious reasons.”

“Tartan?” Lhinael repeated confused. What was that supposed to be?

“Yes, yes, I know,” Ro laughed. “Most think it’s not very stylish, but I like it.”

They hid their face behind their hands as if they had said something embarrassing. But Lhinael just stared at them.

“Are you alright?” The secretary asked with a concerned expression. “You know, I haven’t seen you for so long, I started to think you were one of the Fallen.”

Lhinael frowned. Fallen? Was that why he had been lying on the floor? But how did Ro know about that?

“What?” He asked.

“I know, I know!” Ro sighed. “She gave us the Fading so we would not miss our brethren and we should not dwell on it. But sometimes when you don’t see someone for so long, you start to wonder, you know?”

“Yes.” Mechanically Lhinael nodded in agreement, even though he did absolutely NOT know.

“Are you sure, you’re alright?” Ro wanted to know but then they slapped their own forehead and exclaimed: “Oh no! How careless of me! Of course, the failing of the Great Plan must have hit the warriors especially hard! All this training and preparations for millennia and then… nothing! I am sorry! I wasn’t thinking!”

Great Plan? Lhinael grew anxious. He did not remember any Great Plan. But it sounded important. He had forgotten! Angels did not forget anything, especially not important things. But yet he had. He was… flawed, imperfect. That was not good. He needed to be alone. Sort his thoughts.

“Oh, it… it’s fine,” he smiled. “I’ll get over it. Don’t worry, Ro! But now I have to go.”

Gratefully the secretary smiled.

“I’m glad to hear you’re optimistic!” they said cheerfully. “Sooner or later the War will come, I suppose. I need to go, too. See you!”

“Ah, yes… See you, too?” Lhinael gave back the weird phrase doubtfully, but Ro did not seem to notice anything wrong. They just smiled and walked away.

Lhinael fled back to his room. Breathing heavily he leant against the door and tried to focus. Imperfection! That was inacceptable. What would the others think? Lucifer had told him that Heaven did not accept any flaws! Lucifer! Yes! He could talk to Lucifer. He would not judge. He would understand. And maybe he could help.

He was of course sure that he could have talked to Hariah as well. Hariah was his best friend and would never judge or even abandon him. But Hariah was also the person whose opinion mattered the most to Lhinael and he did not want Hariah to know how weak and flawed he was.

After he had taken a few steadying breathes, he stepped into the corridor again. Barely he bit back a curse as he spotted Michael at the end of the corridor. This was the last angel he wanted to find him in his flawed state. She had not seen him yet because she was in conversation with Noriel, another warrior. Noriel wore long white trousers and a shirt, both of a kind and cut, Lhinael had not seen before.

Lhinael pressed himself against the cool white wall and focused. He snapped his fingers and then turned towards one of the windows to study his reflection. As he had intended his linen robe had been replaced by a combination resembling what Noriel wore. The bright white garment stood out against his dark skin and ebony hair in a flattering way and since he was shorter but broader than Noriel, one would not notice on first glance that he just copied someone else’s choice.

He turned back to look at the two other angels who just ended their conversation. To his relief Michael left in a different direction and it was only Noriel who came his way. Feigning normalcy Lhinael put on a friendly face and smiled politely while walking towards the other warrior.

“Lhinael! Hello!” Noriel greeted. “What are you up to?”

Lhinael presumed that Noriel asked him what he was doing at the moment.

“Hello!” he returned the greeting. “I am looking for Lucifer.”

“Hah!” Noriel barked out a short laugh. “Good one, Lhin! But do yourself a favor and don’t make jokes like that in the presence of the Archangels. At the moment they’re not in the mood for that. Not that they ever are…”

With a grin his fellow warrior patted Lhinael’s shoulder and continued walking down the corridor. Baffled Lhinael watched him leave. Why would the other angel think he was joking? Angels barely joked. Actually the only angels Lhinael had ever witnessed joking were Belith and Amaris, and sometimes Aziraphale. Well, at least Lhinael thought they were joking since they laughed afterwards and sometimes patted each other’s backs. He did not understand their jokes.

Suddenly Lhinael had an idea. The library! Of course, maybe he could find information about this “Great Plan” there and maybe even a cure for his condition. It might also help to talk to Aziraphale. The little librarian usually only needed to be given one catch word to prattle on about a certain topic. Usually Lhinael found it annoying and charming at the same time, but now it might be helpful. He would just go to the library, start a conversation about the perfection of angels and drop casually that there was not a known case of an imperfect angel. If Aziraphale knew better, he would say so, Lhinael would act surprised and ask “Really?” and the librarian would talk nineteen to the dozen without even questioning why Lhinael brought it up.

Yes, that might just work. Trying his best to hide his nervousness, Lhinael walked swiftly towards the library. The design of Heaven had changed drastically and he began to suspect that whatever his flaw was, had effected his memory more than he had initially thought. Who knew how much he had forgotten? Fortunately the _position_ of corridors and rooms seemed to be the same even though their style was not.

Carefully avoiding any eye contact with others he made his way to the library. There he forced himself to calm down before entering through the double leaf door. 

He gasped as he let his eyes wander around. Unlike the rest of Heaven the library’s design had not changed but not only had since his last visit every empty shelf been filled with books, parchments and scrolls. No, the library was also larger, holding much more of the wooden shelves than before. The front area though was still the same. Long wooden reading tables, candles, pens and ink jars.

A vision flashed before Lhinael’s eye. He saw Aziraphale standing between the tables, the usually so kindhearted angel looking at him with a mixture of anger, pain and fear. Lhinael turned his head to see Hariah who casts a dark grin towards Aziraphale. Suddenly Hariah started to move…

“Can I help you?” A soft voice ripped him out the weird experience. In front of him stood two angels. A slim short female presenting brunette and and a tall male presenting with black hair.

“Len? Kor?” he asked surprised. “Since when do you two work in the library?”

“Where have you been?” Kor asked with a grin. “It’s been millennia!”

“Oh!” Len beamed excited. “Where you one of the warriors that accompanied the starmakers to protect them in the outer universe? You guys came back yesterday, right?”

“Right!” Lhinael nodded, feeling horribly guilty for lying. But he also wondered what the starmakers would need to be protected from? The universe except for earth was pretty empty. What dangers could await his brethren?

“Anyway, Kor and I are here since shortly after the Fall, I think?” Len answered Lhinael’s first question and she added: “It was when Aziraphale was assigned as Guard of Eden.”

Before he could wonder what Len meant with "Fall", a broad grin formed on Lhinael’s face at her last words and he began to laugh. Finally a joke he understood! Sweet, kind and caring Aziraphale as the Guard of Eden! At least Lhinael thought that had to be a joke. Until he noticed that neither Len nor Kor joined him in his laughter.

“What’s so funny?” Kor asked confused.

“I… just thought it’s so telling that it needed two people to replace Aziraphale in the library!” Lhinael improvised a lie. “And then I remembered him buzzing about between the shelves.”

“Yes!” Len smiled. “He was always so eager, so helpful and innovative. He loved the written word so much!”

Kor scoffed.

“I don’t understand how you can sing this traitor’s praise, Len!” he said disapprovingly. “He ruined the Great Plan!”

“He protected the humans!” Len gave back with a certain vigor, untypical for the sweet (former) nature guard. “Just like he was told to do by God Herself!”

“Yes! Like God Herself gave us the Great Plan!”

“She also gave us the Ineffable Plan!”

“Pffff, that’s a cheap excuse! He went against direct orders!”

“He followed God’s last orders to him by going against the Archangels’ orders.” Len insisted. “And I think we can agree that God outranks them. Even though some of them seem to forget that sometimes.”

“Hey! They have to be strict at the moment to maintain order!” Kor defended his superiors. “No use in cuddling us! They also should have punished Aziraphale!”

“Rumor says they tried and failed,” Len smiled triumphantly. “Weird, huh? One would think God Herself would smite him for ruining that fancy Great Plan… unless She approves of his decisions.”

Lhinael was stunned. Angels usually did not disagree. At least not when it came to such important things like Law and Order in Heaven.[2]But here Len and Kor stood, discussing about the failing of the Great Plan and whether or not Aziraphale was a traitor. The two librarians had completely forgotten about Lhinael who decided to use this to his advantage. Holding himself back, he listened carefully to gather information. He indeed got some answers.

The Great Plan apparently had been to use Earth – after a certain time span of its existence – as the battleground for a War in which the Angels were supposed to finally defeat the Demons. Aziraphale had played some kind of role in averting this, saving Earth and humans and angering the Archangels. After a final meeting with them, the blond angel had not been seen in Heaven. Whether he had left or was banished was kept a secret by the Archangels and passionately debated by the lower ranked angels.

Unfortunately those answers raised more questions:

Where was Aziraphale now?

How exactly did he stop the war?

Why would anyone drag the humans into a war between angels and demons?[3]

And what _was_ a demon?

It was obvious that whatever he had done and no matter how he had done it, Aziraphale was not here anymore. Who else could help him?

Respectfully but audibly Lhinael cleared his throat to gain Len’s and Kor’s attention again.

“Oh, I apologize!” Kor said with a little blush.

“Yes, we get carried away sometimes,” Len added with an apologetic smile.

“It’s alright,” Lhinael smiled and casually asked: “Where’s Amaris?”

He knew by now that it was risky to ask for individual angels, but how high was the chance that _both_ of the two librarians he was friends with had managed to enrage the Archangels and were living in exile now?

After he had spoken Amaris’ name, he saw a weird shadow rush over the faces of Len and Kor. Their eyes glazed over, their expressions went blank. After a moment confusion crept along their features and they started to babble.

“Ama…,” Len began. “I… I’m not sure. She…”

“Haven’t seen her for a while now…,” Kor spoke over Len.

“I guess, she…”

“Maybe…”

“Wasn’t she…”

They fell silent for a few seconds. Then they blinked several times, their lashes fluttering like nervous butterflies. After that they both shook their heads before turning them to Lhinael again.

“Oh, sorry, Lhinael,” Len suddenly smiled. “Did you say something?”

“Right!” Kor nodded. “What brings you here?”

“Just… the knowledge of the library,” Lhinael said. He was confused but dared not to repeat his question. Too unnerving was his brethrens’ reaction. A reaction that they apparently were not even aware of.

“That’s nice,” Len beamed at him. “What exactly are you looking for?”

“Oh, I want to expand my horizon in general.”

“Alright!” Kor said and gestured over the shelves. “Have fun!”

After making sure Len and Kor were engrossed in their work again and did not pay much attention to him anymore, Lhinael walked over to the registry. After letting his fingers slide down ridiculously many pages, he found the subcategory “Heaven” in the category “History”.

“Heaven’s history,” he mumbled to himself.

Of course. He needed to find out what had happened in the time span that for some reason had been lost to his memory. Then he could walk the halls and corridors of Heaven more confidently and without risking to give himself away. That would make it much easier to find Lucifer. And the Morning Star would help him fix his imperfection without judgement or disdain.

Yes, it would work. It had to!

[1] Aziraphale would not stop talking about them, thank you very much!

[2] He had, however, witnessed Aziraphale and Amaris argue quite passionately whether humans should get their own category in the library or simply be put under ‘mammals’.

[3] Secretly Lhinael found Adam and Eve quite charming, but would never voice that, especially not in the presence of Hariah and Lucifer since they disliked the humans.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, lovely folks! :)  
On another fic someone left a comment saying that if they read stories on one page (instead of chapter-wise), the footnotes don't work properly. So from now on I will not start a new count for every chapter, hoping it works better that way. Let me know if you have any trouble with the footnotes. :)

Hours passed until through the windows leading to Earth the red light of dusk streamed over the shelves. Various angels came and left. Only Lhinael stayed at his chosen spot: a small chair at a small table at the corner of the reading area, unlike the others hidden from view by a shelf. On the table different books piled up in no particular order while Lhinael tried to makes sense of Heaven’s current situation.

Obviously a few millennia ago some angels had rebelled against God and had been cast out of Heaven. That banishment was called the Fall. “Demon” as he had found out was the word to describe those angels who had Fallen. That alone was bad enough. What was really shocking, however, was that no other than Lucifer himself had led the rebellion!

Lhinael frowned. Now that he thought about it, it was not that shocking. Sure, on the one hand Lucifer was – or had been at least – one of God’s favorites, on the other hand he had always been the one to question and discuss. But still outright revolting was a whole different level.

Another interesting and scary phenomenon Lhinael had learned about was the Fading. God had made sure the loyal angels would not suffer from grief over their Fallen comrades. All the rebels were only a shadow in the memory of the host now. Almost all at least. As a warning remembrance everybody remembered Lucifer, the first to Fall.

Lhinael had to fight back tears when he read about the Fading. He was not as smart as Amaris, Belith or Aziraphale but smart enough to recognize the description of the Fading’s effects as exactly what had happened to Kor and Len when he had asked them about Amaris. They remembered her but got confused when trying to think about her. So Amaris must be one of the Fallen. Then again, Lhinael _could _think about her, recalled telling her about his training and her talking about the library. It was ironic. He did not remember several millennia of Heavenly politics, but an angel he SHOULD have forgotten was in his memories clear as day.

This would have fueled his fear to be defunct, but this fear was outweighed by the grief for Lucifer and Amaris as well as by the concern for Hariah. So far he had not dared to ask someone about him, too afraid to have his worst fear confirmed. But usually Hariah seeked him out every day. They would go for a walk, enjoy the view on Earth, talk just between the two of them or spend time with Lucifer and his circle. But today he had not seen Hariah yet.

Sighing Lhinael put away the book he currently was reading and tiredly rubbed his eyes.

“Hello!” a soft voice said.

Lhinael looked up and saw Len standing in front of his table, smiling.

“Hello!” Lhinael answered, trying to hide his tension.

“You look like you were done reading for today.” She smiled. “You look tired. How about I put those books back for you and you call it a day?”

“Call it a day?” Lhinael repeated confused. “It has been a day all along, hasn’t it? What else would it have been?”

Melodious laughter was the answer he got.

“I suppose so!” she giggled. “Look, it’s no problem for me to put your books back. I can do that in no time. I know this place like the back of my hands.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes, I… Whoa, that’s a lot of Heavenly history," she noted as she looked at the books piling up on the table.

“Yes. I… I thought… I re-read the chronicles about the rebellion and the Fall. You know, as a warning memorial.” Why did lying become easier with every attempt?

“Oh, that’s dedication!” she said with admiration. “I imagine your duties keep you busy enough. And still you take the time for this.”

“It’s important to me.” That much was true. “Say, are there books about how the Fading works exactly? Have you read about it?”

“The Fading?” Len repeated. “I never saw one. So, I probably know no more than we were told after God did it.”

“I am sure you’re a better listener than me,” Lhinael smiled as bright as he could. “Help me out?”

Len blushed sweetly and Lhinael felt a pang of guilt, even though he was not sure why. He had not lied now but still felt like he was deceiving her.

“Our memory of the Fallen is buried deep inside us,” the librarian began explaining. “But the Fading prevents it from coming up per chance and if we are reminded of them, our mind… sort of resets after a few seconds.”

“Why not erase those memories completely?” Lhinael asked.

“As far as I understood this would be too complicated,” Len answered. “God said it was that we could subconsciously still profit from fond memories about them or – more importantly – knowledge they shared with us. If you, for example, forgot EVERYTHING connected to the angel who taught you how to hold a sword…”

“… I could no longer hold my sword,” Lhinael finished her sentence.

“Right!” she nodded. “So the Fading lets us keep those memories but we’re not permanently confronted with the knowledge about who Fell. It protects all of us from that. Well, _almost_ all of us.”

“Almost?”

“I believe the archangels know at least of some who Fell.” Len shrugged. “They would not recognize our Fallen brethren in their demon form either, but they know of some who are no longer part of the Host. For practical reasons, I suppose.”

“Practical reasons?”

“Yes!” the brunette said. “Michael has to know that angel A won’t be able to come to training because they Fell so she does not wait for them forever.”

“Makes sense.”

“But I don’t think every archangel knows every Fallen’s name,” Len added. “I believe God had them share the burden.”

Lhinael nodded and stared unseeing at the books in front of him. That was all very interesting but it did not explain why he could remember Amaris. He was no archangel. But then a thought crossed his mind.

“Len, today I met Ro. They said, they hadn’t seen me for so long that they started to fear I was one of the Fallen,” he told her. “They must have been joking, right? Because if I would have Fallen, they wouldn’t have wondered about my whereabouts because they wouldn’t have thought about me, right?”

“Not necessarily.” Len shrugged. “The Fading has been known to work stronger or weaker sometimes. It seems to work slightly different for everyone. Sometimes an angel even remembers more about a specific Fallen comrade than they are supposed to.”

“What is the punishment for that?” Lhinael asked, scared of the answer but trying to hide his apprehension under a façade of mere curiosity.

“Punishment?” the librarian chuckled. “For remembering something? When that happened, the angel in question would talk to one of the Healers, they would pray together and God fixed it.”

“Oh…”

A Healer. Belith! Of course! Belith was not judgmental either! He could talk to her. She would fix him and tell nobody about it if he asked her not to.

“Yes!” Len smiling went on. “A Healer once told me that he suspected the Fading to be less strong the more stubborn the angel is.”

“Really?” Lhinael scoffed. “Then Michael must remember them all.”

As soon as the words had left his mouth, he regretted them. He expected Len to gasp in shock, turn on her heels and leave to at least ignore him forever or maybe even report him. But again she laughed happily. She hid her mouth doing so and her expression was one of fake scandalization, but her eyes twinkled mischievously and she looked genuinely happy.

“I really didn’t know how funny you are, Lhinael!” Len said shook by laughter that was slowly fading out. “The time in the stars did you some good.”

“Yes, funny lot, those starmakers,” he nodded before deciding to go to Belith now. “Well, Len, thank you very much for the talk. Maybe we can put away those books together. Then I need to go. Have you seen Belith today? I need to…”

Sadness spread over Lhinael’s features when Len’s went blank.

“She… Uh, I suppose…,” the librarian stuttered and when she was herself again asked: “Sorry, what?”

“The books,” Lhinael smiled sadly. “Let’s put them back together.”

“Great idea!”

After the books were back on the shelves they belonged on, Lhinael thanked Len again for her help and finally brought himself to ask one final question.

“Len, have you seen Hariah lately?”

Not at all surprised by her reaction, he bid her farewell.

Lhinael’s head and heart were heavy with all the knowledge he gained from the books and his conversation with Len.

Obviously Heaven was more forgiving these days about imperfection in an angel. If Lhinael had known that this morning, he would have asked the first angel he met for help. They would have brought him to a healer and by now he would be a perfectly content warrior angel again.

But with everything else he had learned, he did not want this. Lhinael did not want to forget his friends or let his memories of them be stuffed into dusty old files, hidden away in a secret cabinet somewhere in the back of his mind.

Belith, Hariah, Amaris. There had to have been a mistake! His friends were good angels. Kind, helpful, considerate. Maybe… maybe something went wrong. A mistake. Sure, God was not known to make mistakes, but perhaps bringing parts of Heaven to the physical plane, had exposed it to the imperfection of creation. And then it would not be completely impossible that some angels Fell who did not deserve it. Just a misunderstanding.

The following days Lhinael picked up training again. His fellow warriors and even Michael had just accepted that he had been out with the starmakers. Lhinael was scared how easy and natural it became to him to lie to his brethren.

Even though he suspected that he had not have proper training for millennia, he fought as good as ever, even being commended by Michael several times. Well, not exactly commended, but she nodded approvingly which in her language was close to a love poem.

When he was not busy perfecting his fighting skills, he tried to find a way to learn who else had Fallen. If he had a list of names, he sure could find more angels on it who did not deserve to be exiled. At the moment his argument was rather weak since all the names he knew were those of his friends. So whoever he was going to plead his case to, might accuse him of being biased.

With subtle questions he tried to find out if such a complete list existed and to maybe find allies among the other angels. But unfortunately he found that while Aziraphale’s case was controversial among the angels, everybody he talked to seemed to agree that the Fallen all deserved their fate. Unlike Aziraphale’s exile the decision to banish Lucifer and his followers was made by God Herself, something nobody even thought about questioning.

He needed someone unbiased. Someone willing to listen. Someone who would not judge him for questioning. And there was only one person he could think of: Aziraphale.

Lhinael learned that Aziraphale had joined forces with a demon to stop the Great Plan! And rumor had it that the two had been working together since the Fall of Humanity on several occasions and that they were a “thing”[4] now. That must mean that Aziraphale at least was not biased towards demons in general. In addition Aziraphale had never been at odds with Belith and Hariah. Even more important was that he had been friends with Amaris.

So one early afternoon, right after training, Lhinael walked through Heaven, doing his best to make it seem like he wandered around aimlessly, occasionally enjoying the view to Earth. In truth he tried to find a passage to Earth. Unfortunately each and every one of them was heavily guarded by high ranked warriors. And it was not for show. Only a few angels seemed to have business on Earth these days but they all had to show papers with an archangel’s sigil on it. Lhinael doubted that he would get approval to go to Earth. He was no principality, no guardian angel. He had no reasonable motive to ask to go there.[5]

Cursing inwardly Lhinael kept walking around until he remembered reading about the passage to Earth near Heaven’s center. It was the gate Michael had pushed Lucifer through after his treason. These days no Sulphur pool awaited an angel stepping through it. It would lead to Earth like it should. It was the shared deep trauma of Heaven that kept members of the Host away. So since no angel would want to go there anyway, maybe…

Since his choices were limited, Lhinael decided to try it.

Keeping up a façade of indifference he wandered the brightly lit hallways with the white walls and the spotless windows. The almost white light flooding the corridors seemed so much colder than he remembered. At least compared to the warm shades of yellow, orange and red the sun cast on Earth and the flames of the candles provided in the library and his private quarter. Had Heaven changed so much? Or had he?

The closer he came to the center of Heaven the emptier the hallways became. It was not exactly forbidden to be here, but only those who had business in these place felt the need to. So everyone who was no archangel would only be here for announcements, special conferences or for whatever reason God or the Metatron would call for them.

For Lhinael that was a two-sided blade. On the one hand he could walk these halls mostly unbothered. On the other hand his heart dropped when he heard two male voices, unmistakably Gabriel and Sandalphon, just when he had reached the middle of one especially long corridor. There was no way he could go back fast enough without them noticing. And of course they would ask him why he was here.

Thinking quickly, Lhinael snapped his fingers and changed his clothes. He was no longer in his armor but wore a jogging suit that he personally found ridiculous but had seen Gabriel in several times. Then he started to jog. Not away from the two archangels’ voices but towards them. On purpose he almost crashed into them at the corner.

“Ooof!” he let out, surprised at his own acting skills. Afterwards he pretended to be shocked and stammered wide-eyed: “M…most holy archangels! I apologize, I did not pay attention, I am so sorry!”

“What are you doing here?” Sandalphon asked in that voice that always reminded him of Uriel’s nails scratching over a board whenever she wanted the angels to listen to her.

“Yes!” Gabriel nodded. “What’s that about?”

“Uh, I… that is a little… embarrassing,” Lhinael smiled sheepishly. “It’s just that I always wondered how you, Gabriel, keep your corporation in such excellent shape. I wanted to ask you, but then I said to myself ‘Lhinael, you can’t do that. Gabriel is very busy with important things’. So I asked around and someone said you do a lot of jogging and so I thought I try that, too. And these hallways are perfect because they are long and straight and usually empty. I know, I know… I still should have paid attention and I will accept any punishment you…”

“What?” Gabriel asked incredulous while his chest swelled with pride. “Punishment? For that degree of dedication? Because that’s dedication! Right, Sandalphon? That is dedication, isn’t it?”

“That’s dedication!” Sandalphone nodded and a very uneerie grin appeared on his face.

“Exactly!” Gabriel smiled and patted Lhinael’s back – hard. “Keep up the good work! We won’t keep you. Let’s go, Sandalphon!”

Gabriel’s words towards Sandalphon were a bit harsh and cold which was weird since those two always got along quite well. But Lhinael had no time to think about that now. Taking his chance of being unobserved he ran along the corridor and took the right-hand turn he knew would lead him to his goal. Soon enough he found the artfully carved arch he was looking for. It looked like he remembered it.

Behind it he saw the huge orb that pulsated with light, sat on a huge platform in a vast void filled with nothing but white light and a broad bridge of white stone leading across.

Heaven’s center was beautiful and Lhinael longed to enter and find comfort in God’s embrace, but he knew there was no time for that. His target was the narrow alcove to the left of the bridge.

Lhinael took a deep breath. He turned to the left and… bumped into the tall figure of a slender redhead that fixated him with narrowed blue eyes. Shocked he stumbled back a few steps.

“You should not be here,” Michael said with an inscrutable expression on her flawless face.

“Archangel Michael,” Lhinael stuttered. “I… I can explain.”

She stepped closer and said, unnervingly calm: “That won’t be necessary.”

.

[4] Lhinael had yet to find out what exactly “thing” stood for here. So far he had determined that it did not mean that they had turned into a lifeless object.

[5] “Oh, I just need a word with the principality you banished because I am questioning God’s decision to kick out Lucifer and the other rebells and I really need to talk to someone about it.” would not go over too well. Lhinael was sure of that.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you know (well, most you know already I suppose), I have no idea about religion and mythology so angel ranks and groups in my stories are not like in the bible or similar texts. To put it delicately: I make that shit up as I go! ;)  
So here is the small group of archangels that are the bosses and the rest of the angels are just doing different jobs, supervised by said archangels. Nothing too complicated going on in my universes, please. :)

Lhinael looked into Michael’s blue eyes. Her stare was intense, focused and unyielding but bare of any rage.

The last few days had made Lhinael a better liar than he had any business being proud of but here he was at loss. The redhaired archangel in front of him asked no questions, demanded no explanation, she just studied him.

After a while, Michael sighed.

“You probably think you are being discreet,” she said. “Running through Heaven and starting a ‘casual’ conversation about the Fallen with every angel that could not get away fast enough.”

She made a weird waving gesture with her index and middle fingers at “casual” that Lhinael did not understand but he had no time to think about it, since she addressed him again, her voice harsh.

“Let me tell you,” she continued. “You’re not! Did you really think that was a topic the angels chat about happily in their free time?”

“Uh, I guess…” Lhinael started.

“THEY DON’T!” Michael threw her hands in the air, exasperated. “It was a matter of time until someone told me that you are asking about a collection, a list of names of the Fallen. Did you think nobody found it strange that you asked about something like that?”

“Archangel Michael, please I…”

Michael interrupted Lhinael again by simply raising her hand and shaking her head. Her eyes never leaving his face, she snapped her fingers and an old scroll appeared in her hands.

“I think it is important that you see this”, she stated and held the parchment out to him.

“Is this the list?” he asked. But she only laughed coldly.

“No! It is one page of it,” she answered. “I alone have received – and memorized – 35714 pages of names. But this one is the most interesting for you!”

Lhinael frowned. What did she mean with that? Were his Fallen friends he remembered only the tip of the iceberg? Had he forgotten the rest and their names were on this page? With trembling hands he took the scroll from her slender fingers. His eyes were still locked with hers, but with a curt nod she signaled him to read and he complied.

With furrowed brows he let his eyes wander down the list of his brethren with growing confusion. Of course he knew all the names recorded here and it pained him to be reminded of the great loss the Fall had brought on the Host. But none of the listed angels so far had been especially close to him. So why would Michael deem this specific page to be interesting to him?

“Michael, I don’t see…”

Then his eyes locked on a name. He heard a gasp, barely realizing it was his own. His vision tunneled and his knees were shaking. The page slipped from his fingers but disappeared before hitting the ground by a snap of Michael’s fingers. Lhinael was hardly aware of this, just like he did not really notice his legs giving in.

After a while – he did not know how long – he mastered his senses again. Still breathing heavily, despite not needing to breathe at all, he found himself kneeling on the floor. Mechanically he took the perfectly manicured white hand offered to him and allowed Michael to pull him to his feet.

Before he could say something, she spoke again.

“So you see,” she sighed. “When I said that you should not be here, I not only meant the bridge.”

“How…? I mean,…That’s impossible!”

Lhinael snapped his fingers to miracle a hand mirror. Frantically he searched his face for any signs but his ebony skin was flawless, his eyes were of the same warm dark brown as ever and his teeth were fangless, pearly white and perfectly shaped.

“Idiot!” Michael groaned, ripped the mirror from his hands and threw it behind her, making it disappear. “That list is thousands of years old. Doesn’t mean you Fell right now!”

“That… doesn’t make any sense!” Lhinael cried out. “If that were true, how could I be here?”

“That is the question, yes!” Michael said. “When you appeared for training a few days ago, I was shocked. After all I knew that you are one of the Fallen. Of course, I am the only one to know that since you are part of the list I was burdened with.”

“This is unique in the history of Heaven. A Fallen angel that rises back up. But here you are. Your old vessel, your old abilities, your old self. And of course I know that only one being in the universe can achieve that. Only God can restore a demon back into his angelic form.”

“But why would She do that?” Lhinael asked.

“I wouldn’t know!” Michael answered. “But when all our brethren accepted your… white lie about having travelled the universe, I decided to leave well enough alone. After all it is not my place to question her.”

She paused and stepped closer. Lhinael swallowed when her blue eyes seemed to pierce right through his vessel and into his soul.

“It is, however, my place to maintain order,” she continued. “That’s why I was… disturbed by you ruffling everybody’s feathers with your talk of Falling and Fading and whatever. The angels are confused enough as is.”

“Well, yes. Yes, they are!” Lhinael stuttered. “But that’s because God is not exactly clear on what She wants from us. Or from humanity. From anyone for that matter. So that confusion is… well, that’s on Her, right?”

“No!” Michael yelled.

Shocked Lhinael stared at her and saw her closing her eyes and take a deep breath.

“No,” she repeated softer. “We cannot blame her for our flaws. Obviously we were not created as perfect as we thought. We make mistakes, we try to do better. It is our trial, if you will. It is not always clear what she wants, but her last direct order to me was to keep my remaining brethren safe. Safety comes only with order. Your shenanigans threaten that order, so you stop them!”

“Of course, most Holy Archangel Michael!” Lhinael nodded.

Michael, apparently surprised to get no backtalk, narrowed her eyes. But Lhinael did his best to look unfazed. He was not lying. He was done with his inquiries in Heaven anyway.

“Good to hear!” Michael finally said. “But what were you doing here?”

“Just… clearing my head,…” Lhinael said. “This place is very calming.”

“Hmm, yes,” the archangel nodded, her expression almost soft. “Your re-appearance was a shock to me, I cannot imagine how it must have been for you.”

“I apologize for the trouble I caused, Archangel Michael!” Lhinael now took full advantage of his newly discovered acting talent. “I just tried to make sense of everything. I can neither remember what I have done to deserve damnation nor what I did to deserve redemption. But I won’t make any more trouble. I will do anything to prove worthy of Her trust and of the second chance I got!”

Michael smiled and nodded.

“I am happy to hear it!”

Lhinael returned her smile as bright as he could. She accompanied him to his room where with a snap of her fingers a bed appeared.

“I know what I said in the past,” she said upon seeing the surprise on his face. “But a lot of angels found that giving the vessel some rest, helps clear the mind. It’s not for me, but maybe you should try it.”

She gave him one last smile and promised to be there if he needed someone to talk to before leaving him.

Sighing Lhinael let himself fall on his new bed. It felt nice and probably would have been relaxing if not for the absolute horrible situation he was in.

He was one of the Fallen! Maybe the vision he had experienced in the library was a memory? Something he had done? Had Hariah and he hurt Aziraphale? He needed answers and he would get them.

He felt bad for deceiving Michael. She had been way more understanding and forgiving than he ever had thought. He was not the only angel exposed to change, that much Lhinael had learned in the last few days. That was not necessarily a bad thing but now he had to break the trust Michael put in him.

He could not as she had put it “leave well enough alone”. Why would he deserve redemption and his friends did not? What had happened on the day of the Fall? He needed to talk to Aziraphale.

All passages to Earth were blocked, but he knew of a detour.

*

“The elevator? From here to the library?” Noriel laughed when they left the training area. “Getting lazy on your old days?”

“Hey, go a little softer on me next time so my vessel won’t hurt all over and we can take the stairs together!” Lhinael rejoiced with a smile.

“Not gonna happen, Lhin!” The other angel patted his comrades back and left for the stairway. “See you tomorrow!”

“Yes! See you!” Lhinael answered wistfully.

He was lucky. As he had hoped, nobody was around. He was alone in the elevator as the doors closed. Sighing he took out the small key he had stolen from Michael during training. After taking a deep breaths he put it into the small opening. At once all buttons that had been dark before started to glow and were usable now. Including the dark red one below all others.

With grim determination Lhinael pressed it. Heaven guarded all gateways to Earth. Maybe the other side did not.

*

Hastur was having a bad day. Not that you could have actual good days in Hell. But some were less bad. This was not one of those. The pipes in his quarters were leaking, maintenance was not even pretending to be busy, but kept him waiting just for the heck of it, his corporation had caught a stomach flu in the sick bay of a low security prison he collected souls at and now Beelzebub had called for him. On a good day she might at least offer to cure his stomach, but – as we established – there are no good days in Hell and this one was not even one of the less bad.

Grumbling he arrived at Beelzebub’s sanctuary. The Prince of Hell herself and – of fucking course! – Dagon stood outside of Beelzebub’s office, carefully glancing in now and then. What was this about? Hastur scoffed and decided not to think about it. Those two had been weird lately anyway.

“My Prince!” he said, bowing and trying hard to keep the sarcasm out of his voice. “You summoned me. How can I be of service?”

Beelzebub cleared her throat. Her expression was almost inscrutable. Almost. She seemed calm and collected at first glance, but from up close Hastur saw that she was troubled with one look into her blue-green eyes.

“The guards… captured an angel,” she informed him. “We don’t know how he got here, but they caught him sneaking around the gate to the waiting area. We don’t know what to do with him.”

Hastur frowned. Was he the “angel officer” now?

“With all due respect, my Prince,” he said coldly. “That is really not my department. Just ask for ransom in Heaven if he is important enough, if not, feed him to the hounds. If he is pretty, Asmodeus might want him.”

“No, I mean…,” Beelzebub stuttered, looking at Dagon.

“What she means,” the Lord of the Files picked up. “We don’t know what to do with _him _specifically!”

Annoyed Hastur threw his arms in the air.

“What is that about?” he asked. “Why would I care?”

“Maybe you should see for yourself!” Beelzebub said, pointing towards her office.

“He’s in there?” Hastur asked unbelieving. Why would the Prince of Hell take a prisoner into her sanctuary?

Not in the mood of dealing any further with the two “Ladies of Doom” as he liked to call Beelzebub and Dagon[6], he stepped into the room and walked towards the chair in the center. Sure enough one of the white robed bastards was tied up there. He was unconscious and his head hung forward, his long black hair falling into his face.

Impatiently Hastur grabbed the prisoner’s dark curls and yanked his head up.

“So what? Just one more stupid ang… Ligur?!”

The End

[6] When they could not hear him, of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was that. I know, some of you saw that coming, but I hope you liked it anyway. Thanks for reading.  
I am always happy to get feedback but please be civil and constructive even if you did not like what you saw. :)  
Leave a kudos or a comment or both - go nuts! ;)


End file.
